About the Book
Dance with Me, Papa: Confessions of a Nasty Child
For Rita Reinecker, life as the daughter of a well-known writer was far from a fantasy. Rita’s father was Herbert Reinecker, a prolific German novelist, dramatist, and screenwriter who lived in his own world of plot and dialogue. She grew up feeling not pretty enough for her father and not good enough for her mother.
Her life revolved around her emotionally unavailable father, who blew in and out of her life. Rita longed for a normal family life, and the incessant hunger for acceptance left the growing girl wanting much more. Always looking for signs that her papa loved her, she lived on an emotional rollercoaster of hope and disappointment. Wanting only to be loved, Rita hurled herself into many relationships. Meanwhile, life with her controlling mother bred low self-esteem and self-doubt, leaving her feeling inadequate, unloved, and unwanted.
Now, in her memoir, she recalls her lifelong search for her father’s love and explores how she came to terms with its effects on her life.
Book Excerpt
It was dark outside. Sirens blared. People screamed. The intense smell of smoke filled the air. Warplanes droned overhead, and the roaring of their engines became louder and louder. Then, BOOM! The earth shook, and the horizon lit up as though a million lights had been turned on all at once. After a moment of eerie silence, the screams started up again.
I was fascinated by this fantastic display of fire and noise in the sky.
My mother ran across the street to the neighbors. They had built a bomb shelter in their front yard and had offered to share it with us and other neighbors. My mother pulled me along faster than I could run while her arm was wrapped around my baby brother, Hilmar. He was straddling her hip, but slipping. My father followed right behind. He carried a suitcase in one hand and papers in the other.
To me, this bomb shelter was nothing but a deep black hole in the ground, filled with people. Through a small, grassy opening, a narrow wooden ladder led down into a large square room with a dirt floor. Wooden posts held up the dirt ceiling and walls. Benches stood unoccupied along the walls. People seemed to prefer standing while waiting for the all-clear signal. They didn’t talk much, and when they did, they whispered.
The musty odor of cold, wet soil hung heavy in the air. A candle lantern dangled from the ceiling. Surrounded by thighs—some clad in striped pajamas, some in plaid, and some with wool trousers—I could only see bellies, chins, and nostrils when I looked up. No eyes. I couldn’t see the ladder, which was the only way out.
There was no toilet. A metal bucket with a bit of water in it stood in a corner. For privacy, a gray wool blanket thrown over a wooden pole in front of the bucket acted as a curtain. Drawn shut, no light could seep through the tightly woven fabric. There was no toilet paper, only bits of newspaper scattered on the ground.
As soon as we were all huddled together in the shelter, I decided I had to pee. My mother pointed to the bucket.
“Outside, Mama,” I said.
“The bucket,” she said, still pointing to it.
“Outside!” I insisted.
“Then you just wait until you hear the all-clear signal,” she said.
I tried my father. “Papa, please take me up! I have to pee, I really do,” I lied.
“You heard your mother,” he said.
“Papa!”
I won. He grudgingly gave in and took me up the ladder, into the fiery red night.
“Hurry up,” he said while lighting a cigarette, drawing and expelling short puffs of smoke in rapid succession. Flashes of light on the horizon where bombs exploded illuminated every puff.
“Hurry up!” His eyes scanned the sky. I took my time, though. Squatting on the ground, looking up at the sky in anticipation, I had no desire to go back down into that hole. I felt safe: I was with my papa.
This was Berlin in 1944, during air raids by the Allied forces. I was three years old. It is the earliest memory I have of my father, Herbert Reinecker, the writer, who would become a celebrity just six years later.
Reviews
“ABSORBING WITH A TINGE OF SADNESS Reinecker’s debut volume, set primarily in postwar Germany, is her personal exploration of the consequences of growing up in a dysfunctional family headed by an absentee father and ruled by an unaffectionate mother.
…The narrative centers on, and is especially vivid in re-creating, the longing of a young girl for a normal family as she struggles to find a sense of self-worth and purpose. … as this engrossing, memorable memoir shows, Reinecker’s journey to discover who and what led her to be the person she is today has allowed her to make peace with her past.” —Kirkus Reviews
(read the full review on www.kirkusreviews.com)
…Her youth in war-torn Germany makes for some great anecdotes, and she provides interesting insight into how her country’s school system affected her education. Reinecker is a strong woman despite her tumultuous past, and it shows a completely different kind of strength to examine her life in such a stark manner. Dance With Me, Papa is a fascinating book that is sure to appeal to readers from all walks of life. –San Francisco Book Review
Loved this book! Dance with Me, Papa is a fascinating portal into WWII Germany and the years that followed through the eyes of Rita Reinecker, daughter of the famous German writer, Herbert Reinecker. Lush with poignant and gracefully captured memories, Reinecker presents her readers a vividly unique yet universal perspective of a young child moving, haltingly, through the rocky landscape of adolescence into adulthood. Reinecker invites us on her journey to understand her life and life choices through her exploration of her relationship with both parents–a beloved father who was emotionally and physically unavailable and a mother whose love included liberal amounts of shame. Reinecker’s memoir is beautifully written and insightful. -Julie Berg
Beautifully written A beautifully written book about a girl’s desire for her father’s love and approval and a woman’s coming of age without it. Rita’s story is not unfamiliar yet it is unique to her time and place in the world. An honest and touching account of how a small swan was led to believe she was an ugly duckling. –Jennifer Cannon
Fantastic! Well presented and not only told her story but jogged my memory of early life. Ms. Reinecker is, I believe, just getting started on a new journey and career. –Richard Wilton
WOW. What a story! “Dance with Me, Papa” is a captivating story during war-and-post-war Germany, about the life of a German girl who grew up with a famous father. Being from Germany myself I grew up knowing about her dad, Herbert Reinecker all my life. My family read many of his books and whenever they showed TV shows that he had written, we all flocked into the living room to watch. I am usually not much of a reader, but this book about his daughter kept me interested and wanting to continue to read. In my opinion, Miss Reinecker is an excellent writer herself. I highly recommend it! –K. Hoffmann
